Day one of trying to get into better shape.
This morning when I woke up from a dead sleep I was thinking about how I was going to change my eating habits and what activities I will be doing out through out my day. As I walked towards the kitchen thinking about how am I going to change my eating .. WAIT, STOP! As my eyes move across the kitchen I see cookies just sitting on the counter. All thoughts about eating a little bit healthier just got deleted from my brain and was replaced with how can I make myself anymore fatter. These cookies were calling my name and that are just sitting there waiting for some loathsome human being to come along and gobble those cookies up like there is no tomorrow. I said to myself, "Well, if i only have a couple and a glass of milk then that will be my breakfast." So, as I went to the container with these fancy cookies with M&M's on top my eyes grow bigger and bigger until they literally explode. I hurried up and grabbed a couple cookies and a nice tall glass of refreshing milk to go with it and headed back to my room. As I sit down with my very healthy cookies and milk I gently started putting them in my mouth. Not giving a shit what were in those cookies or any of the results that will affect me.
About a hour later, I was sitting there with a bag full of self pity and thinking how weak I was eating those cookies the first 10 minutes of my morning. As the day continued I was doing stuff that would take my mind off junk food that I would eat when I get bored. To be honest, I did a pretty good job not wanting any junk food when I was "bored hungry." As my day went on I had a small snack just to keep me satisfied throughout my day. As It got around 5 o'clock in the evening I decided to cook some Alfredo up. Now I know Alfredo is seriously not the best thing I should be having right now. I thought to myself "If I just had a small portion of it then it will not be so dramatically fat for me" As I cooked and ate my Alfredo I felt a little good about my day. Eating smaller potions, not as much and not eating when I am bored.
Well, about a half an hour after my feeding time I decided to run up to this little sketchy wooden shelter that was up the road. This shelter seriously look like a perfect serial killer ground to slaughter his victims. I've never seen anyone there in my life but it never fails that I always find new stuff there. As I ran up the road and back to my house 4 times I was feeling pretty darn good about myself. In the first time in a very long time I am doing something active that I pushed myself into doing. As I run back and forth I started to get a little tired and called it a day. It was not a lot but it was plenty for the very first day of trying to getting in better shape. I headed back to my house and got into my shower to make the stench go away that was on me. It was not one of the worst smells I've produced in my life but surly it was not very pleasant. As I got out of the shower I hopped onto my laptop and told a couple people that I just got back from running and had a smile on my face because I was proud of myself. As the night grew darker, colder and silent my stomach started to talk. I knew perfectly what it was saying "Give me food you pathetic fat fuck you." I felt this way before when I've try ed to do this in the past. I decided to give in just a little bit and gave it a cookie. After that cookie I felt very weak. I try ed fighting my urge but it got the best of me and proved how weak I was. After that damn cookie I felt like i was very pathetic because I cant control this, and told myself "that is it!" no more food for tonight! Well, couple hours later my stomach once again started to talk. I now got very mad and wanted to know how I can stop this. I was just to say "Fuck this I'm done." and eat a burrito until a friend saved me and told me to go get a fruit out of the fridge. As I proceed to the fridge I found a very juicy orange that I broke open and sunk my teeth in. My urge has stopped. After that, I had a crazy idea. What if I ate a orange in the morning and one before I go to bed every night? I told myself I was going to proceed with this weight loss program I set up and to follow through eating fruits every day now.
As my punishment, tomorrow I will get up and have a big breakfast, pack a lunch and then go on a very long walk and work my breakfast off. Well most of it hopefully. Then I'll break for lunch which will be very very small, then head back home and work off my lunch. Then later that night I will have a very small dinner and a fruit. This sounds like a good idea to follow through with. I am going to be strong and not let this get the best of me. To be honest, I really don't look that fat at all. I am a little chubby looking but not that much really. I will admit I am very out of shape and will try my best to change this. I will report back tomorrow night and tell the very few readers how my day went and how I beat my urges.