Sunday, June 13, 2010

Like it or not the truth is the truth.

A short while ago I had made the choice to stop writing for several different reasons I will not go further into right at this point. All I can say is I wanted to make people happy and so I had stopped writing to the very few people that did pay attention to these blogs.

I have learned that you can not always make everyone happy, when you try and entertain one person another individual will not be pleased. Well, I think the number one person you need to make happy is yourself. I enjoy writing, I really do. It's very exciting to me, relieves stress, bored killer. I enjoy writing about everything. To light and happy pieces, to dark and depressing pieces and everything in between. I like writing about past experiences I would like to share or fictional pieces that are just interesting to read.

I know I'm not a very good writer by all means, but I love to learn progress in anything I like to do. Anyways I'll be continuing writing, I don't know what. Possibly, stories, poems, lyrics I don't know. A great musician has said "if you enjoy my music bang your fucking head, if not fuck off" I'm using that but about writing. Just kidding on a level, mostly the swearing, but really. If you like my blogs, continue reading them, if not. Don't read them.

Monday, May 31, 2010


Love is a very powerful emotion. It is the best experience you can have with another person. A lot are not so lucky to experience this and I feel loathsome about it. I on the other hand is very lucky to experience this. Matter of fact. I am literally the luckiest person to experience this because the person I am experiencing this with is my guardian angel. She has saved me from the world and from myself. She is everything to me, she is my life, my world, my everything. I would not think twice about risking my life for her in order for her to live a great one.

I believe she is my soul mate, I know she is my soul mate. The first time I laid my eyes upon her stunning face I knew that this girl was a very very very special girl. I knew that we would last forever. How do I know? I don't, the human body is very strange and when you know you just know. I now know there is "Love at first sight" I would imagine that most of you would not believe that but when you see someone and you know that is the one, then you will believe it.

She is the best thing that has ever happened to me in my life. Literaly, she has turned all the negative feelings into possitive ones. She has turned the ugly into the beauty, she has turned the dark into the light. There are no words to describe the feeling I get when I wake up to her beautiful face laying next to mine. It's one of the greatest experience you could ever go through. Seeing her face every morning tells me it's going to be a great day. There is no words that I can describe the feeling I get knowing that we are together forever.

I know she is the love of my life, I know she is my soul mate. How do I know this? I'll tell you. We balance each other out and I love that, when we have a argument we always still tell each other we love each other and we kiss each other even though we are having dissagrements. I believe that is true love, if you can show your partner you still love them in a argument then that is true love I say.

We have been having this issue for a while now. You might have heard of it, its called "Trust" and this is a big issue for both of my love one and I. She trusts me and I feel amazing that she does. I know she loves me and I know she knows I would never do anything to hurt her and I am proud to say she trusts me. I on the other hand have not been so giving so much on the trusts. First, let me say that she diserves my trust 110% and she has done nothing to not earn my trust. To be honest, I really don't have a reason or a excuse. I have a very small percentage stoping me but that is just about 2% out of that 110. It is long gone and I am over it, and it was understandable. I think the reason that I don't give her my trust is because I am afraid to lose her. I am afraid she is going to meet someone better. I know she loves me and I honestly believe she would never do that to me, but it is just a crazy thought. I believe thats what it is from giving her my trust. Am I 100% sure? no, but I'm pretty sure. Like I said she diserves all my trust and I feel terrible knowing that I have not given it to her. It hurts her, It hurts me! So, from this day foward I need to put down my guard, put down my security blanket and give her all the trust that Is in me. She diserves it, she has done nothing to betray it. I know it's going to be a very long hard road but I have to do it to keep this relationship alive.

I would do anything for my loved one and she has made my life heaven. I love her very much and would take a bullet for her. I would not think twice about risking my life in order for her to live hers. She is my world and I am going to love her day in and day out every second of my life.

I feel terrible because today was supposed to be our day together. She told me the other day that monday was going to be our special day. Meaning spending real time with each other. That meant a lot, it acutally meant the world to me. Because of my trust issues and not giving her the trust she diserves we got into a argument and it ruined our special day. I feel like the scum of the earth knowing I ruined our day. This day was going to mean a lot to me and I ruined it. I can't tell you how many tears I have shed. I feel terrible and would like to work everything out with her when I see her. When she smiles I smile, when shes happy I'm happy. I love when she smiles it's one of the most beautiful sights you could ever witness. I love her and I'm very excited for our future.

To the love one I have been talking about

- I am sorry for everything, the trust issues and everything. I never knew the trust issue hurt you that much. I feel like the scum of the earth knowing I ruined our day and made a argument. I love you to death and I know we can work it out because we are two strong people and can get through anything with each other. I'm always going to be beside you holding your hand facing your problems with you. I am always here for you no matter what and will always love you. I know we can work this out like everything else have passed us. I love you and I am very deeply sorry from my heart. You have all my trust now I promise. You have done nothing to betray it and you diserve all of it. I miss you terribly and I hope to see you soon.

Saturday, May 29, 2010

To be a Douche or not to be a Douche

I've been wanting to say my thoughts on these couple topics. I have not blogged in a while so this is a new one.

The first topic I would like to discuss is why do people sag their pants?

I can say "guilty as charge" back in middle school for just a small chunk of time. When I did it I thought I was a bad ass because that was the fashion, to "sag" your pants. When I did this idiotic thing I was listening to rap and hip-hop and thought I was a "gangster" I wish someone could have told me how ridiculous I was in middle school because I see people now and have been and thinking "Why the hell do you do that?" Really, what is the point? If anything it makes your day pretty rough when you have to put up your pants every 5 seconds. To be honest I really did not know why I was doing this in middle school, like I said it was just the "Cool" thing to do. Back then I cared what people thought of me and wanted to be in the "cool" crowd. Now, I don't really give a shit who thinks what about me. I think people that "sag" their pants should either wear a belt or suspenders, OR don't even wear pants at all. I mean really, what's the point? I really don't want to see your ass or your underwear. There is a reason why underwear is called underwear and not outer wear. It is a very ridiculous and Gross habit. There is no benefit sagging your pants. You do not look cool, you look like a damn fool. Oh, I forgot to mention did I forget to say that "sagging" your pants originated in prison? Yeah, Inmates would "sag" their pants when they are open for anal sex. So for all these kids now that "sag" their pants. I think you should all get butt fucked so hard that the semen will be backed up so much in you that you will O.D. on it.

Moving on to the second issue that bugs me. Social networks these days are pretty ridiculous. It is mostly meeting new friends but for the most part it's full of flirting. People flirt with people cross the country and they don't even know who they are really talking to are saying the most sexual things. That does not bug me though. The thing that does bug me is guys taking pictures with themselves with their shirt off showing their muscles and using that as a display picture. There are several different reasons why I get so pissed off at these kids. I laugh also but mostly annoyed. Okay, dude I know you work out but can you put a fucking shirt on and not show off how many pounds you can lift? You're trying to impress the ladies on social networks. Why can't you go to some clubs and hit up some girls if you think you're all that then going onto myspace putting up a sweaty picture of you with your shirt off flexing your muscles and trying to find the ladies. I think it's freaking stupid, every time I see that I laugh and think they're the biggest douches ever, about 90% of the male population on myspace has their naked top half of them on their page. A lot of girls don't even like muscles so I still think it's funny. If you think you're a bad ass well.. you are not my friend. You are just another case of douche in my book

Monday, May 10, 2010

The wake of day.

Sitting in my car on a clear day, wondering when she is coming down from her apartment room. Spinning the chamber, looking at the 22. rounds spinning one after another. I take the 22. rounds out of the chamber and start to engrave her name on the 22. rounds one by one.

Staring at her window on the top floor. Wishing she could look out and see my car and have someone notice that I'm alive. I see no sign of life in the window to her apartment. Maybe it was because the thoughts I was having was actually are real.

As I wiped the blood off my hands, put the duck tape in the back seat and the looked around me making sure no one just saw.

I started to cry, knowing what I just did made me loathsome. I made her mine for eternity. As I wiped my tears with a piece of her shirt that I ripped off in the process of making her mine. I had to go take a double check and make sure there was no life in that room. I got out of my car and ran over to the old rugged apartment building.

I open the door and started to began the journey of darkness climbing up the stairs. I fear that there was life in the room which I can not stop the communication between her and the people that called themselves "City officials" I got to her room and I suddenly got the chills. I can feel the frostbit temperatures from the other side of the door.

I feared for my life that she was taking slow suffering breaths. I opened the door to make sure there was no breaths for her to take anymore. As I saw the blood trail I left from the first time I was here. I went into the door where I saw her body crucified to her wall. Blood was dripping from the walls, I was pleased of what I have done now. There was no more breaths to take and my paranoia was gone. Looking at her lifeless body tacked to the wall like a piece of artwork of mine. As I press my cheek up to her stomach I listen for any life left in her. After seconds I did not hear anything that I need to worry about. I pull out my digital camera and take a snap shot of the masterpiece. I leave a note at the bottom of her feet that said "God please forgive me"

I left the building knowing that she will be mine for eternity, with a smile on my face I started to whistle and acted like nothing had happen. There was a kid on the park bench beside my car and watched the whole thing. He asked what have I done. I answered with "I made something beautiful, this is art."

The Light is coming back.

My whole life I have suffered from a case of depression. There has always been darkness in my life and I hate it. Right now this moment of life there is barley any darkness. I have everything I want besides one thing really, and that is a job. I have friends and family that supports and loves me. I have the perfect people in my life that have my back.

Before I met my lovely girlfriend, Jennifer. I was not motivated to do nothing. I could care less if I got a job or not. All day I sat in my room messing around having no care in the world whats so ever. Then one day God sent me a gift. She is short, with blonde / brown hair, beautiful and the most perfect present I could ever ask for. Her name was Jennifer. I believe she is going to be the one who saved my life.

I met Jennifer and soon as I met her I knew this girl is way different. Of course we have issues that we are currently working on, and some family issues I wont go into, but Jennifer is what I believe going to save my life and is a gift from god. I have known Jennifer for close to a year now and I loved every second of it. We have been dating for about 6 months now and I have plans for us in the future. When I met Jennifer I knew that she is going to be the one that will always be in my life. I have feelings that I will love her to the day I die. We always talk about the future and what it has in store for us.

Because of Jennifer, I now want a good paying job. I now want to get my life straighten out. Because of Jennifer, I now love my life and everything in it. Jennifer has taken the darkness away from my life and replaced it with her beauty and her light. I am currently looking for a great paying job that I can start a base for Jennifer's and I's future. Yeah we have a lot of growing up to do but I am very excited to get a decent paycheck every couple weeks and putting it in the bank to save up for the future with her. This is a big surprise for me, I would never want to do this before I met Jennifer, I would want to blow all my money on Music and other wants. I am very lucky to have her in my life and would do anything for this young beautiful woman.

The point to this blog is that I am very grateful to have Jennifer in my life, she is the best thing that has ever happened to me. She is what I believe is a gift from god that has turned my life into the better direction. I love you Jennifer and I am very excited to hold your hands and walk into the future with you and spend my life with you. I love you Jennifer and I love all my friends and family that support me. I thank god all the time for this gift that has blessed me with.

Thursday, May 6, 2010

A Stress Relief

Since as far as I can remember I have been literaly inlove with music. Didn't matter what genre it was. I have been through a lot of genres of muisc and pretty sure I landed on a few that I will listen to most of my life. I've listen to a lot of different kinds of music. Rock, rap, hip hop, metal, oldies, punk, hardcore. A lot are sub genres but they all give me pleasure listening to them. I no listen to mostly metal and hardcore / punk now, I do listen to hip hop and rap but most of everything would be considered "oldschool" and some recent stuff.

The main thing is that I love experiencing live music and enjoy listening and finding new artists and genres. Another thing I get out of it that is almost up there with pleasure is it is a stress relief. I listen to music whenever I can. Does not matter when I'm happy, depressed, sad or any other emotions. A lot of people are sterotypical about the metal genre. Either its satan speaking to you or angry people screaming out their problems at us and any other sterotypical bullshit. Metal is a pleasure and a stress reliever. Well, all music is for pleasure and a stress reliever. I listen to different genres of music for different emotions, like for a example. When I am very angry I listen to "Today is the Day, Pig Destroyer," and other bands. When I am sad or depressed I listen to "Elliott Smith, Sunny Day Real Esate, Death Cab for Cutie" and other bands.

Does not matter what genre it is or what you think it is all I can say its a stress reliever to me. I have been mainly listening to Black Metal and Hardcore / punk. I love atmosphereic black metal, I think it is very peacefull (and evil), dark, calm (not so calm). It's probably not everyone cups of tea, perhaps, I think it's probably most of all peoples not cup of tea but I love it and that is all it matters. Hardcore and punk is the other music of choice I listen to most of the time.

I love most of all genres of music, I think I am listen to a wide range of music. If you want to check out some bands that I love to listen to look below.

Today is the Day - Angry
Pig Destroyer - Angry
Elliott Smith - Sad / depressed
Sunny Day Real Estate - Sad / depressed
Behemoth - All around moods
Himsa - All around moods
Thursday - Relaxing

Pooh Bear

There is no words to descibe the feeling I get every time I see you smile.

When I say you're beautiful, well that is a for sure understatement.

You make my life better by each day.

I'm flabbergasted I can call you mine.

I will always be here for you through the best and the worse.

I would be lying to you if I said I could fix all your problems, but I will be right beside you holding your hand through all your conflicts and troubles and I will help you through them.

I want to give you the best life I can give you.

I love you

Wednesday, May 5, 2010

Life sucks, I can not find a job for the life of me. I have been trying to find a part time-full time job for a very long time now. I do not know what to do now. I feel like a ghost, I don't have a lot of family but the family I do have I love. I am not asking for pitty one bit, I just need to vent at times. I really don't have a lot of people to talk to or else I would not vent to probably no one that reads these so really, I'm venting to myself. Atleast I'm talking right?


Today I woke up to a pile of girl stuff montained ontop of me. Everything you would think was on me, clothes, music, make up, perfumes and deordiants were scattered across me. I woke up to my girlfriend rearanging her furniture in her bedroom. As I woke up, went to the bathroom and got a little something to eat I was thinking how she was going to move everything since her bedroom is as the size of a closet ... literaly. Not much room to move yourself really. She does not have a lot of furnitre really its just the furniture she does have are gigantic. As we start moving all her stuff around I remembered that I needed to look for caregiving jobs around bellingham and lyden where I could get a position with. I've done the caregiving gig before and It was pretty bad but It pays good money if you go through the right path. I have had experience before and think I can go somewhere in the career. I will always have job security because lets face it. There will always be old people galore everywhere. So I went online and found only 2 places out of probably 7 that were looking for my kind of people. As I look for work she continues to clean her room and is about finished with it. As we both get done with our tasks we lay on her bed and hang out for a bit.

Now, I've got to say. We are both in really weird moods today. I seem like I do everything wrong and tend to annoy and or bother her. She on the other hand I see getting ticked off from everything I am doing. I love her to death and I hope we can continue the rest of our day in peace and can spend time with each other, I love spending time with her without any of our electronics get in the way but I understand that she does like to spend time on her laptop, zune, cell and I need to accept that. I guess I'm the type of person that loves to spend time with someone that doesint include electronics. I believe that is not spending time with each other. I need to accept that she wants to be on her laptop, zune, cell ect and need to get overmyself. I love spending time with her, she makes me feel incredible and I know people are upset about us for reasons I wont go into but that is not going to stop it.

We are now sitting infront of our laptops doing our own things. I am trying to get overmyself. She needs to do what she wants, but I would rather spend this time with her in another way, watching a movie, just hanging out talking, going for a walk, ect. But none the less I love her to death and I am trying to work out several different issues I have.

Tuesday, May 4, 2010

The Light is Fading.

I feel that god put everyone on this earth for a reason. Does not matter how good or evil you are god still put you on this earth for a reason. If you tend to do evil things its balancing out the good on the earth. I feel that god put me on earth to take every ones stress away. I feel like a human stress ball. I feel unimportant to everyone. My whole life it seems like when someone is having a bad day or just in a pissed off mood then I shall come and you can let all your anger out on me. I don't stick up for myself, I stick up for the ones that I love and other souls that do not stick up for themselves. If I died tomorrow I think it would affect everyone for the worse, now I'm not saying that if I died that everyone be so depressed over my death. I feel that if I passed there would be no more human stress ball and so people would not have anyone to let their anger out and they would end up in a worse position then they were. I don't have a lot of family, I don't have a lot of friends but the few family and friends I do have I appreciate. I feel like my opinion is always last and I am always the wrong one. I feel like the black sheep of everything. I am the peace maker, I hate to argue and fight. It seems that is my whole life. I know I am young and do not know a lot but I feel that you do not need to put me down when I do not know the right things. I have made a lot of mistakes in my life I wish I can take back. I have a lot of maturing up to do. I am scared to death of life and hope I don't have to go through the long dark road alone. Do you feel better when you let your anger and stress on me? If it does then I am more then happy to make you feel better and being there to take it out on. Venting or just yelling at me, does not matter to me as long as you are feeling better about yourself. I am trying to put my life back in order. I did clear debt up today which I was proud of because I wanted to spend my money on other things but I thought debt was more important. That was probably one of the most proudest moments of my life. I know it sounds lame but, I have not done a lot of good in my young life. As I was feeling proud of myself it seemed like no one else was proud for me. Am I just being ridiculous about being proud of myself? Probably. Maybe I should face facts and continue life knowing I will be most likley the black sheep and the human stress ball as well as not very important. God please forgive me for everything.

Wednesday, April 28, 2010

This is beautiful, This is art.

"I Hope I'm Dead By The Time You Read This" - Pig Destroyer

Today is Wednesday, April 28th 2010.

I woke up this cold dark morning with drips of cold peaceful water calmly dropping from the sky, I enjoy this cold dark morning more and more from every drop of rain hitting the roof of this shack. Knowing that every single rain drop is a story of pain and grief of every single soul that cries out for help that will never be heard.

Walking down this dark path that I'm on has me thinking about every person that has walked this path before me. With every footprint there is a story, for ever story there is a tragedy, for every tragedy there is a dark hopeless soul.

Seeing my cold breath gets me thinking about how dark this night will is going to be. Sitting on a log covered in moss in the dark forest while the sun is slowly moving along behind the clouds making it come darker seconds sooner. Sitting there on the log letting every pure raindrop hit my face and a look in my eyes like there is hope in this life. Raindrops starting to fall harder as they turn evil upon impact onto my face. My eyes go colder and darker from each raindrop on me.

A loaded pistol in my lap and a bottle of holy water next to me. As I started to spread the holy water around me in a circle I kneel down and empty the bottle onto my face and the loaded pistol. As I light one candle in the middle of the circle I start to count until the candle goes out from the rain. As I count "1 ... 2... 3... 4.." and it goes out. That's how many people will be affected by what I'm about to do. As the holy water starts to mix in with the silent cold rain in the forest I lift the loaded pistol up in the air and let off a round.

Tuesday, April 27, 2010

Life is just a game and it will work itself out at the end

Day one of trying to get into better shape.

This morning when I woke up from a dead sleep I was thinking about how I was going to change my eating habits and what activities I will be doing out through out my day. As I walked towards the kitchen thinking about how am I going to change my eating .. WAIT, STOP! As my eyes move across the kitchen I see cookies just sitting on the counter. All thoughts about eating a little bit healthier just got deleted from my brain and was replaced with how can I make myself anymore fatter. These cookies were calling my name and that are just sitting there waiting for some loathsome human being to come along and gobble those cookies up like there is no tomorrow. I said to myself, "Well, if i only have a couple and a glass of milk then that will be my breakfast." So, as I went to the container with these fancy cookies with M&M's on top my eyes grow bigger and bigger until they literally explode. I hurried up and grabbed a couple cookies and a nice tall glass of refreshing milk to go with it and headed back to my room. As I sit down with my very healthy cookies and milk I gently started putting them in my mouth. Not giving a shit what were in those cookies or any of the results that will affect me.

About a hour later, I was sitting there with a bag full of self pity and thinking how weak I was eating those cookies the first 10 minutes of my morning. As the day continued I was doing stuff that would take my mind off junk food that I would eat when I get bored. To be honest, I did a pretty good job not wanting any junk food when I was "bored hungry." As my day went on I had a small snack just to keep me satisfied throughout my day. As It got around 5 o'clock in the evening I decided to cook some Alfredo up. Now I know Alfredo is seriously not the best thing I should be having right now. I thought to myself "If I just had a small portion of it then it will not be so dramatically fat for me" As I cooked and ate my Alfredo I felt a little good about my day. Eating smaller potions, not as much and not eating when I am bored.

Well, about a half an hour after my feeding time I decided to run up to this little sketchy wooden shelter that was up the road. This shelter seriously look like a perfect serial killer ground to slaughter his victims. I've never seen anyone there in my life but it never fails that I always find new stuff there. As I ran up the road and back to my house 4 times I was feeling pretty darn good about myself. In the first time in a very long time I am doing something active that I pushed myself into doing. As I run back and forth I started to get a little tired and called it a day. It was not a lot but it was plenty for the very first day of trying to getting in better shape. I headed back to my house and got into my shower to make the stench go away that was on me. It was not one of the worst smells I've produced in my life but surly it was not very pleasant. As I got out of the shower I hopped onto my laptop and told a couple people that I just got back from running and had a smile on my face because I was proud of myself. As the night grew darker, colder and silent my stomach started to talk. I knew perfectly what it was saying "Give me food you pathetic fat fuck you." I felt this way before when I've try ed to do this in the past. I decided to give in just a little bit and gave it a cookie. After that cookie I felt very weak. I try ed fighting my urge but it got the best of me and proved how weak I was. After that damn cookie I felt like i was very pathetic because I cant control this, and told myself "that is it!" no more food for tonight! Well, couple hours later my stomach once again started to talk. I now got very mad and wanted to know how I can stop this. I was just to say "Fuck this I'm done." and eat a burrito until a friend saved me and told me to go get a fruit out of the fridge. As I proceed to the fridge I found a very juicy orange that I broke open and sunk my teeth in. My urge has stopped. After that, I had a crazy idea. What if I ate a orange in the morning and one before I go to bed every night? I told myself I was going to proceed with this weight loss program I set up and to follow through eating fruits every day now.

As my punishment, tomorrow I will get up and have a big breakfast, pack a lunch and then go on a very long walk and work my breakfast off. Well most of it hopefully. Then I'll break for lunch which will be very very small, then head back home and work off my lunch. Then later that night I will have a very small dinner and a fruit. This sounds like a good idea to follow through with. I am going to be strong and not let this get the best of me. To be honest, I really don't look that fat at all. I am a little chubby looking but not that much really. I will admit I am very out of shape and will try my best to change this. I will report back tomorrow night and tell the very few readers how my day went and how I beat my urges.

- Jesse

Monday, April 26, 2010

I Will Not Let This Destroy Me, it's time to Change.

"Only through destroying myself can I discover the greater power of my spirit" - Chuck Palahniuk

There have been a few different occasions where I found myself looking at the mirror and saying "what the hell are you doing Jesse" and tonight is one of those nights. Tonight, is a dark path for numbers in my life. I had a crazy idea tonight and went for it. My crazy idea was to go weigh myself for the first time in a very long time. I have been putting this off for a very long time now because of the fact of fear of what I weigh now. This is a personal record of mine I am not going to brag about. Weight has always been a paranoia of mine really, I remember in school I would always check my weight every morning and freak out if I gained a pound. I was so good about my weight in school, why was I? I don't really know. Probably because I cared about all that stuff. have I slipped since then? Sure, I think so. I have been overweight most of my life. I started to gain weight after my parents got divorced. Slowly but surely I gained weight. After my mom left my diet changed dramatically. From home cooked meals to frozen foods to microwave and easy access foods. I have kept this diet until now. Tonight was a wake up call about my weight saying "Jesse it's time to get off your lazy ass and make changes" and it really got to me. Do I think I look gross? Yeah I really think I do. Do people agree with me? No, they don't. I have set up a calorie program that fits my body and I and I have set goals. I hope I will conquer these. I have been weak most of my life and I really hope I can actually do this. If I can it will make my self esteem go up. I think I can do it, am I positive? No way in hell, but I'm always willing to give it my best.

There has been a lot of things that I want and need to change in my life. I have felt terrible about some things I've done the past few months and wish to change them and I am the only one that has the power to do so. I am not going to tell you what these changes are besides the weight but I can tell you that I am ashamed of all of them.

I am trying to put my life back in order and do more positive in my life then the negative. I have very few priorities but they are major. These priorities are, getting and keeping a full time job where I can make progress and work towards something I love, another priority is to spend as much time as I can with my family and friends. I am a pretty easy individual. I am willing to give most things a try and I am very open minded I believe despite what people may say.

These things that has brought shame to me have changed my ways of thinking. Am I glad I did these shameful acts? Yes, I am. It has shown me who I really am not and who I really am. I want to thank myself for doing these. I'm not saying I should have done them but they have showed me the path of some light in my life.

Some of you probably wonder why I added that quote in my blog, I think its appropriate, others may think otherwise.

Sunday, April 25, 2010

"You Would Do That"

Well, this will be my first time in my little life to blog. I have had friends blogged before and always loved reading them but never really thought about blogging myself until now.

The past few years I have had countless great weekends with one of my best friends Matt. We have had countless great times and memories through out our young lives really. I've known him for a good chunk of time now. We have made so many memories I can't remember all of them to be honest. Making memories with him have been great and I miss making them dearly. This weekend was the first time I've seen this dude in a while now for several different reasons, I just moved back to Glacier, WA from Vancouver, WA where i lived the past year almost, but before the year in Vancouver I was with my dad where I just moved back in with, but before moving to Vancouver I would see Matt few times out of a month on the weekends.


Anyways, this past weekend I decided to go visit my friend Matt for the weekend. I was expecting everything that what use to be, making memories, sitting around wasting our lives playing video games, drinking soda pop, eating junk food and talking about good old times that we've had. Friday late afternoon I was on my way to his dorm room located at western. I have to be honest, i was a little nervous but excited for the most part. Every mile that I have gone means one mile less to making new memories with this kid. The trip to his dorm seemed a life time really, not because I was really excited to see him, just because, well I don't really know why. Probably because it is a long drive most likely. As I got close I forgot how to get there and had to give him a call to see how I can get there, as I call I was thinking he has got to know so we are okay while being being confused on what roads to take. As he picks up I asked him the directions on how to get there. I told him the streets I was on and he did not know even though he knows downtown pretty good so how he didn't know? I don't really know, so I came up to "Indian" street where i was pretty sure to take left on. I asked him and he said yes. After I got on Indian street I knew the rest of my way so I got off the phone and I was preparing to see him.

As I got to his dorm I gave him a call and told him I was there so he can let me into his dorm. He came down and he greeted me with these exact words "At least you don't look like a fucking idiot" I chuckled and said "okay" as we got back to his room we decided to play pool and for him to give me a tour of the school until his dad picked us up about a hour later to head for his house in birch bay. About a few games of me kicking Matt's ass at pool and touring around his school his dad picked us up and headed out to birch bay.

We got to his house around 6 or so. While settling down in his house we put a pizza in the oven and watched some MMA on the DVR that he had recorded. The buzzer went off and then we both knew that we were about to sink our teeth in some pizza and cheese bread. After dinner we pulled up chairs and drinks and began to play Borderlands which was a new game he had bought days before seeing each other. We started a new game of "Borderlands" and was full of excitement not knowing how this game was going to turn out. After about a hour into Borderlands we had to go drop off Matt's dad off somewhere so we decided to get the new Mountain Dews that had been released. So we rushed to get the mountain dews and rushed home so we can continue playing borderlands. It was pretty rainy so that made me a little more happier because I love the rain no matter what. We played Borderlands a good four, fives hours I'm guessing. After the epic hours of Borderlands it got pretty late so we called it a night and went to bed and was excited for the next day of Borderlands.


I woke up to noise early Saturday morning while I lifted my head up to see where Matt was. As I went to look I saw that Matt has already gotten up and headed to the living room to watch some of his TV shows he DVR'ed the past week. I got ready for my day which consisted of, brushing my teeth and getting dressed. Much of getting ready huh? As I went into the living room the house was nicely cleaned for Matt's little sister's birthday party that they planned out this Saturday. Matt and I rushed to the xbox 360 and turned it on and played Borderlands for the first hour after getting kicked off to get ready for the party later that afternoon. As Matt and I sat on the couch while watching TV his family started to show. For some reason it is always really awkward when I'm around his family, ask me why? I'll say "I don't know" I've been around them for several times but I just can never understand why it's so awkward. While visiting with his family and enjoying the party Matt and I decided to go and play Frisbee, let me remind you that it has been raining for the past 24 hours so it is a tad bit wet outside. As we head outside and go in the back street to throw the Frisbee around and getting dirty from the puddles of water. I noticed that this has been the first time doing something active for god knows how long. I felt good and after about 45 minutes we headed back in for dinner. We ate dinner and I might add that it was fantastic. Matt's dad decided to put in the movie "Avatar" in the blu ray player for all of us to watch. "Avatar" was one of the gifts that Matt's sister got as a birthday present. I've seen it before in the theaters and I thought it was pretty good, but I did not feel like watching a three hour movie in a room that was full of people. I could hardly find a spot to sit and watch the movie so I asked Matt if he just wanted to cruise around birchbay. As we head for the car and to cruise around the birchbay we talked and enjoyed the time we have had so far. We got back and after about half an hour people started to leave. We we're both excited for people to leave so we can continue our journey in Borderlands that we've been waiting to play all damn day long. As the house got pretty empty we turned Borderlands on and continued to play. After a few hours of Borderlands we both got a little bored and headed to bed. I was a little sad because it was my last night there at the house and had to leave in the afternoon Sunday morning. So I got ready to bed and passed out pretty fast.


Sunday morning I woke up to my friend moving around in the room, what was he doing? I do not know but I think he was just leaving the room. As I got up and brushed my teeth and packed my stuff to head home I realized that this weekend has not disappointed to say the least. We made a couple new memories to add into the books and saw each other the first time in a while. As I was getting pretty sick and tired of my friends smart ass remarks I was thinking maybe this is not so bad leaving (laughing to myself.) Matt always makes smart ass remarks and says stuff that just wants to punch yourself in the face but you get use to it after a while I suppose. As we played Borderlands for the last time together for a bit before heading to meet my dad I was a little bummed out but happy at the same time.

As the drive to meet my dad I found myself cramped in the backseat with Matt and his little sister for a forty minute drive really. As I met my dad at the store I went in to try and find him. I found him and we both said our "Hello's" and talked about how my weekend went. He asked me if I wanted to get something to drink so I went over to the soft drink section and got some new mountain dews. Getting the new mountain dews felt food other then drinking them because I started this weekend off with drinking these new tasty beverages and now ending the weekend with these tasty new beverages. I enjoyed myself at Matt's, but a little glad to be back at home to continue my search for a job.

Friday, April 23, 2010

My upcoming blogs

I have been thinking about writing a autobiography and so I am going to write it and every week im going to post a peice from it, with along that. I'll be posting other blogs about things that have been on my mind. Writting is a stress relief and god knows I have a lot of that to release.