Tuesday, May 4, 2010
The Light is Fading.
I feel that god put everyone on this earth for a reason. Does not matter how good or evil you are god still put you on this earth for a reason. If you tend to do evil things its balancing out the good on the earth. I feel that god put me on earth to take every ones stress away. I feel like a human stress ball. I feel unimportant to everyone. My whole life it seems like when someone is having a bad day or just in a pissed off mood then I shall come and you can let all your anger out on me. I don't stick up for myself, I stick up for the ones that I love and other souls that do not stick up for themselves. If I died tomorrow I think it would affect everyone for the worse, now I'm not saying that if I died that everyone be so depressed over my death. I feel that if I passed there would be no more human stress ball and so people would not have anyone to let their anger out and they would end up in a worse position then they were. I don't have a lot of family, I don't have a lot of friends but the few family and friends I do have I appreciate. I feel like my opinion is always last and I am always the wrong one. I feel like the black sheep of everything. I am the peace maker, I hate to argue and fight. It seems that is my whole life. I know I am young and do not know a lot but I feel that you do not need to put me down when I do not know the right things. I have made a lot of mistakes in my life I wish I can take back. I have a lot of maturing up to do. I am scared to death of life and hope I don't have to go through the long dark road alone. Do you feel better when you let your anger and stress on me? If it does then I am more then happy to make you feel better and being there to take it out on. Venting or just yelling at me, does not matter to me as long as you are feeling better about yourself. I am trying to put my life back in order. I did clear debt up today which I was proud of because I wanted to spend my money on other things but I thought debt was more important. That was probably one of the most proudest moments of my life. I know it sounds lame but, I have not done a lot of good in my young life. As I was feeling proud of myself it seemed like no one else was proud for me. Am I just being ridiculous about being proud of myself? Probably. Maybe I should face facts and continue life knowing I will be most likley the black sheep and the human stress ball as well as not very important. God please forgive me for everything.